Days and Hours
- Juli Henderson
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 9 hours ago
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
4,018 days and 96,432 hours
On Friday, that will be the measurement of time since Robert stepped into eternity. My heart still aches each February 6th and longs for his life to be nurtured by mine. Each day, I lean on God’s promise to tend to the places where my heart still knows no rest. I sit quietly, not rushing my healing, letting my sorrow have its space. That space is holy and fragile.
I’m tough. I know how to put things in a “box” and move on through my day with purpose. I don’t cry easily any longer but I cry deeply when I feel the sorrow of losing him. It comes in waves, and this is why I choose to share my raw feelings with you. You may share similar feelings for your loved one, and I want you to know this is normal, and it is to be expected. I am determined to take my feelings off the shelf and out of the box this year. I want to cherish the memories and the vacancy.
So, I will do a few things to bring joy to my heart in honor of Robert’s life this week:
Light a fragrant candle.
Say his name out loud.
Listen to a meaningful song.
Acknowledge the exact length of time I have carried him in my memory.
“I have missed you for 4,018 days.”
“I have missed you for 96,432 hours.”
Breathe deeply.
Speak softly a prayer of gratitude:
“Oh God, gently keep the places in my heart that still hurt. My love for Robert will never end. These days and hours have marked memories of a life full of joy, laughter, hardship, and loss. You gave these things to me in Your gift, named Robert. I cannot reclaim these eleven years, but I hope to hold the time without him in my arms in new ways this year. Amen.”
Then, I will sit in silence and wait for God’s peace that passes all understanding to wash over me. He has been faithful for eleven years to grant such grace. He will not fail me now.
Whatever your journey, caregiving or otherwise, I hope you will find your way nurtured by God’s love and grace. He will not fail you, either, my friend. He holds your every broken and lonely place.
Lean on Him through your days and hours as they pass.
During my first year of writing the blog, I shared the story of that day, "Yes, That Day." If you haven’t read it yet, I want to share it with you. I find it helps to realize we are not alone. That is why I share my journey as Robert’s caregiver and the grief process I have experienced.
Listening Library: “Hills and Valleys” (Tauren Wells)
Hills and Valleys
I've walked among the shadows
You wiped my tears away
And I've felt the pain of heartbreak
And I've seen the brighter days
And I've prayed prayers to heaven from my lowest place
And I have held the blessings
God, You give and take away
No matter what I have, Your grace is enough
No matter where I am, I'm standing in Your love
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the One who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain, I didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone
You're God of the hills and valleys
Hills and valleys
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone
I've watched my dreams get broken
In You, I hope again
No matter what, I know I'm safe inside Your hand
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the One who set me there
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain, I didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone
You're God of the hills and valleys
Hills and valleys
God of the hills and valleys
And I am not alone
Father, You give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all, You will remain
Over it all
Father, You give and take away
Every joy and every pain
Through it all, You will remain
Over it all
On the mountains, I will bow my life, yeah
In the valley, I will lift my eyes, yeah
On the mountains, I will bow my life
To the One who set me there (to the One who set me there)
In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the One who sees me there
When I'm standing on the mountain, I didn't get there on my own
When I'm walking through the valley I know I am not alone (I'm not alone)
You're God of the hills and valleys
Hills and valleys
God of the hills and valleys (You're the God of the hills)
And I am not alone
You're God of the hills and valleys
Hills and valleys
God of the hills and valleys (You're the God of the hills)
And I am not alone (the God of the valleys)
And I will choose to say, "Blessed be Your Name, yeah, yeah"
And I am not alone
Songwriters: Chuck Butler, Jonathan Lindley Smith, Tauren Wells
Hills and Valleys lyrics © Essential Music Publishing
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